Sooo… I don’t know if there is a better picture to currently depict my new state of fatherhood than this one. I’ve officially received my license to carry a concealed baby as you try to keep cool sipping on a Capri Sun, hanging out by random brick walls. Does life get any better than this?! Ok, but real talk. How did I get to this place over the last 9 weeks? No idea. But here I am, baby carrier and all.
In many cases, it’s been a whirlwind. What a trip. It’s been such a joy and yes, a sanctifying experience to say the least, up to this point. I only anticipate that it gets better and more sanctifying in the days ahead. One of the things I was looking forward to was seeing how God revealed different facets of the Gospel for me through parenthood. I received a good dose of this last Friday.
We took Bailey in for her 2 month check-up. We knew this was not going to be a fun visit because it was going to be the first round of her vaccinations. But apparently they didn’t tell Bailey that because she was in the best mood. Little did she know what awaited her in the following minutes. The doctor walks in and we do a little chit chat before he asks, “I’m going to need one of you to hold her arms down so she doesn’t nudge me or anything.” Without thinking, I step in as the DAD and say “I will.” As soon as I grab hold of her arms to hold them down on the examination table, it occurs to me… “this is going to suck.”
We heard a new cry that day. A cry we hadn’t heard before. A cry that broke my heart. As the doctor gave her the first shot, her arms went limp. No need to hold them down because she wasn’t restraining. This was the first time she had felt real pain in her first 2 months of life. Almost immediately, my mind went to the Gospel and I began to tear up. The window I was peering through to the Gospel got a little bigger in that moment. I had also felt a pain that was unfamiliar to me as well; the pain a parent feels watching their child suffer.
I understand the Gospel more clearly today than I did last Thursday. God loves us greatly. That love costs the life of His Son, Jesus. That is the greatest love man will ever know. I am now more grateful for the God’s love than I ever have been. Thank you Father for the love you have for Your Son, Jesus, and for me.